无助 / helpless

已经离开了很久很久....我连祷告都不会了......



i left quite a long time....till i dont know how to pray....

我怎么了？/ what hapen to me?

昨天因为一件小事而把憋在肚子里的消极心情全都借机发泄出来。对，很多很多的事情都憋在心里，多到像沸腾的粥一样溢出来，在那一瞬间崩溃。



福建歌：“心事na beh讲出来，有谁人会知？”对，我没跟任何人说，似乎谁都不是我的倾诉对象。看来是平常一样的我，我心里是非常清楚我的心情像鳄鱼潭，湖面平静却里面有着危险，谁都不能靠近，心理上老早就出现问题。或许我应该找一些心理学的书籍来了解自己的状况，也或许我是时候找一找心理学医生聊聊天...



向往.....





Yesterday due to a small incident, i grabbed the opportunity to vent out all my negetive mood. Yea, a lot of things hold in my heart, like a boiling porridge overflow, collapsed in that instant.



A hokkien song :"no one know u if u never tell." Yea, i never tell to anybody mine, seems everybody not the right people to talk with. I look just exactly a normal but I'm pretty sure my feeling just like a crocodile lake, look peace on the lake, but danger inside; no one can go near to that lake, as what i thiking: Psychological sick. perhaps i should find some psychologi books to learn more about myself, or maybe i should talk to Psychologist...



looking forward.....

waste/浪费

Maybe famine 30 is a hint to remind my attitude now...



recently i found out i will left something on my dishers. The past, no matter how full am i, no matter how distasteful am i, i will think of those poor communities and just told myself how nice condition i am in now, i cant waste, i must try anyway to finish them. But now, throw or just left them there whenever feel full, distastefull or appetite. I will start complain on everything just not to finish them. What happen to me now? Is it condition i'm having become better? Or i forget what is thanks giving?





可能饥饿30是提醒我这个不良习惯的....



最近发现自己开始会吃剩食物...以前，就算吃到肚子多胀，就算多食物难吃，我都会想到那些一天都可能没吃到一餐的人们，告诉自己我是多么地幸福，我不可以浪费食物，无论如何都要把吃完...可是现在，饱了，不要吃，丢；不好吃，丢；没胃口，吃不下，丢，我到底怎么了？是环境越来越好了？还是不记得什么是感恩了？

忆曾经无聊的日子

想写下，是怕自己渐渐衰退的记忆力记不起来....



突然听到光良和曹格的《少年》，就想说上网download，阴差阳错（其实是那时我不懂歌名，跑去打‘年少’）下找到年少的歌，一些画面涌现在我脑海....



记得那是semester break，在家超无聊的我，开着电脑，玩着window的minesweeper，听着当时是年少的新专辑，就这样重复地玩，重复地听了一个下午，老妈子吹她的成名曲之一‘催吃曲’催我去吃饭。跟我住过的人都知道，我是那种不能接受不停地重复听同一堆歌的人，但是那一个下午我却这么做了！



我不记得那个专辑的名字，也不知道怎样得到那整个专辑的歌，更加不懂我怎样从吉隆坡弄进我家金宝的电脑(那时我没有pendrive)，只记得那时我重复听好多好多遍...还记得开学之后逼朋友教我用福建话唱《大风吹》的chorus部分，再不停地用我的烂歌喉+超烂不准的福建华唱，非要扰人上课做功课吃饭睡觉冲凉生活到人家bik cik叫我住嘴...我还是在唱...就只那么两句chorus...呵呵呵...those were the days...



现在都尝试在找回那些歌曲，一些部分都还能哼着唱...现在回想起来我也觉得奇怪：为什么我不会对这个专辑重复听而感到厌烦？是太无聊了？还是真的耐听？不过可以一提的是：马来西亚的歌并不是都lame和难听的。大马歌艺圈加油！

egg crack day

People may know, this year my egg crack day is same with father's day. As same as previous year, we dont celebrate father's day. I didn't back to kampar and part of the reason cause work and $$ too.



People asked me : How i celebrate this day? Maybe as what i said : I'm old joh. Now birthday for me is a day that thanks mum who give birth to me, thanks giving that I alive till now, cake n celebration and gift is no more important to me. maybe some blessing from 'shuk bak hing dei, sam gu lok poh, gak ling lun seh, chan peng cik yau' is enough for me. At least they remember my day. Right?



Wake up, attend church service, (so long never attend sunday service joh, 1st time go that church somemore, LOL) have a better lunch at one utama with my bf, work, go home n take 2 hours nap, wake up, eat sardin sandwich that made by my bf (i'm too lazy to cook), and watch movie using my pc. oh ya, and reply testi in friendster, reply hp msg, msn....thanks for the blessing dude!



Maybe u guys not believe / hard to believe, but this really how i pass my day this year...Hahaha!

spyware!arghh!!!

stupid spyware!!! i'm having problem with it! adaware..nope...AVG..nope...who else can help me??

征服

偶然发现爬山可以拾到征服感、毅力、坚持...也很久很久没有运动了...那一天回家乡终于如愿以偿了！就找了个‘想当年’可以一口气到山顶的龙山道。cheh...sap sap水啦！还很神气地笑我男朋友一定爬到一半要我等他。



龙山道路牌已见，但往日的路不知所综，有的就是黄泥路和一排新的屋子。去问了附近的人家，才发现还有另一条的入口。屈指一算，我都四五年没来了！难怪那个uncle用奇怪的表情回答我...



上气不接下气、脸色发白、脚酸软、有点晕，都是我每一次运动的状态，想必这次也一样，继续我的步伐，过了我称之为‘过渡期’后就不是问题了。那时第一站都还没到。心想：可不是这么快就累了吧！继续往上爬，真的不行了！已经到极限了！第一站还没到就真的下山了。还严重到下山的时候脚软...



全程都只花了半个小时就回到车上来。那一丁点的什么征服感、什么毅力什么坚持都拾不到，反而更严重被挫败，心情更一度跌入谷底。所谓的‘想当年’真的变成想当年了！现在都那一句话：老了！

mother's day

this year 1st time celebrate mother's day...we went to ipoh 2 in 1 (BBQ and steamboat) restaurant to have our dinner...3 out of 6 never been such restaurant before..during the meal, got laughter (so long never have that), got people not sactisfy the eating place i choose, got people split his drink (every meal sure have at least 1 case...traditional lai d ;p), got people nonstop talk and eat less, got people nonstop cook the food and eat less, but got people nonstop eat...



alike? not alike?





somebody found out they fat joh...i'm the 1 of the so call 'them'! no body shape d bucket! T.T Go and return home with left(mum) and right(my sis) 'altec lansing' speaker...and of course a woofer(my bro) in the car! @.@ noisy family